


Afikomen

by Emilys_List



Series: The 'Jim is Jewish?' Series [2]
Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M, Family, Jewish Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-11
Updated: 2008-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:39:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilys_List/pseuds/Emilys_List
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Translates to 'that which comes after' or 'dessert.' Pam joins the Halpert family for Passover, and enjoys dinner and then 'that which comes after.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She looked around, wishing for flash cards.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Based in part on my experiences at sharing Pesach with my girlfriend and her family (there was no sex in the bathroom, though). [Chabad.org](http://www.chabad.org/holidays/passover/pesach_cdo/aid/1735/jewish/The-Haggadah.htm) was the greatest resource for me in writing this fic and making Jim Halpert sing in Hebrew.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that you recognize. They belong to Mssrs. Gervais, Merchant, and Daniels, and all associated corporations. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> 

“ _Baruch atah, Adonai, eloheinu melech ha’olam, borei p’ri hagafen_. And then we drink. Turn to page 34. The Kiddush! Jim, how’s your Hebrew?” Jim leaned back, adjusting his yarmulke. “Still really awful, Dad.” David chuckled, flipping pages in the Haggadah. “So glad I paid for all those years of Hebrew school, James. Tate? Benjamin? Can anyone rise to defend the Halpert name?”  
  
Tate grinned. “I can expertly read my name in Hebrew. I can even write it.”  
  
David rolled his eyes. “Ben?” Ben shook his head, frustrated, his arms full of a wiggling toddler. His partner Alex patted his son’s back and took Kyle into his more patient arms.  
  
“Hey Dad, Pam’s Hebrew is awesome,” Jim volunteered. David squinted. “Yeah?” Pam’s face drained of color. “I’m Presbyterian,” she said, which got a great laugh from around the dinner table.  
  
“I’ll take on the Kiddush,” Paul said cheerfully and shot Pam a smile before he began to speak. Tate’s husband had been really gracious. The whole family was really great, actually, it was just entirely overwhelming. Jim nudged her as his dad broke the matzah and he smiled. She looked around, wishing for flash cards.  
  
David and Larissa – parents. David, leader of the Seder; Larissa, trying not to look bored.  
  
Jane – Tate and Paul’s daughter. Has cool Passover coloring book.  
  
Tate – Jim’s sister. Genuinely happy person. Bubbly, funny, generally joyful. Simultaneously sarcastic.  
  
Paul - nice. Kind of bland.  
  
Kyle – Ben and Alex’s adopted son. A beautiful accent to the family.  
  
Ben – Jim’s brother. Uptight gay man. But, cute.  
  
Alex – Looks like he stepped out of a Ralph Lauren ad. Uses Crest Whitestrips?  
  
Pam was knocked out of her revelry because her boyfriend was singing, stumbling, through the four questions. “… _halaila hazeh mikol halaylot?_ Do I really have to sing this? _Shebakhol halaylot anu okhleen khamaytz u’matzah, halaila hazeh kulo matzah._ Can’t wait til Jane learns Hebrew, I’ve been the youngest for a lifetime.“  
  
“If you just shut up and sang, you’d get through it faster,” Tate heckled.  
  
“ _Shebakhol halaylot anu okhleen sh’ahr y’rakot, halaila hazeh maror. Shebakhol halaylot ayn anu matbeeleen afeelu pa’am akhat, halaila hazeh sh’tay f’ameem. Shebakhol halaylot anu okh’leen beyn yoshveen u’vayn m’subeen, halaila hazeh kulanu m’subeen._ ” When he finished, the family erupted with applause.  
  
“Best since ’92 before his voice changed,” Larissa said, laughing, and Pam grinned. “Pam, you must bring out the best in him.”  
  
Jim rolled his eyes and offered his wine glass to his father. “Top me off, I’m gonna need it.” He rubbed one hand across her knee. “How you doing?” he said, his voice a whisper.  
  
She nodded. “Just impressed with your musical ability. I mean, I’ve seen your karaoke skills, but who knew it—“  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” he interrupted, brushing her temple with a kiss. She blushed.  
  
Ben started reading about the four sons as Pam continued to look at Jim. She felt warm all over, comfortable, but on still on edge. Suddenly Alex shifted Kyle unexpectedly into Pam’s lap. “Sorry, gotta warm his bottle,” he said softly and moved to the kitchen. Kyle stared at her with big eyes and she stared back as Ben continued to recite. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jim watching.  
  
After an incredibly filling dinner, Paul and Ben went to put Jane and Kyle to bed, respectively, while everyone else attempted dessert. Kyle gave Pam a sleepy wave as he went and her heart thudded. She waved back and turned her attention to a discussion about Passovers past, and how it would be really excellent to phase gefilte fish off the menu. From the kitchen, where he was washing dishes, David shouted, “It’s in the Haggadah, you can’t.”  
  
“We don’t even read the whole thing,” Jim countered. “You’re just trying to be difficult,” Pam whispered and he shrugged.  
  
“Tough,” was David’s response.  
  
“I’m becoming a vegetarian, then,” Larissa yelled back. “Anybody else?” She asked, turning back to the table. “Pam? How did you enjoy your first gefilte fish experience?”  
  
Pam looked into her lap. “Tasty?” She looked up, her eyes shining, smiling.  
  
Tate grinned. “Glad you have an appreciation for gefilte, I’ll send you a week’s supply.”  
  
“Lucky me,” Pam said, feeling at ease. A little.  
  
“So what did you think of Passover?” Larissa asked brightly.  
  
Pam nodded. “It was great. Really interesting… I guess I like that you guys are all together for the holiday. It’s just me and my parents, so this is nice. And nice to see why Jim turned out this way.” As soon as the words left her mouth, her eyes went wide. “Whoa,” Tate said laughing as everyone smiled and laughed along. “No, no, I meant that – no I meant – he turned out well! He’s like the nicest person I’ve ever met, and well-adjusted and funny…” She trailed off. “Yeah.”  
  
“I actually think he’s pretty fucked up,” Alex interjected. “Nah, he turned out okay,” Larissa said, reaching out to ruffle her son’s hair. “But I don’t agree that he’s funny, Pam, I think he’s dull as shit.” Jim smoothed his hair down. “I’m really feeling the love. I know Rabbi Eliezer would approve. Pam is the only nice person at this table, which I thought I’d never say.”  
  
“I am nothing but nice,” she said in her own defense. “Yeah? You gonna lie to my family like that?” He touched his shoe to hers under the table. She smiled. “Let’s talk about something else.”  
  
David joined them in the dining room. “What’s going on?”  
  
“Pam’s trying to pretend she’s not on her best behavior,” Alex offered. Her embarrassed smile accompanied the blush in her cheeks.  
  
David settled in next to his wife as Ben appeared and asked, “Pam, did you enjoy the sedar?”  
  
“We already covered that,” Larissa informed.  
  
“I just want to say, my kid is goddamn difficult, getting him to go to sleep is like pulling teeth.”  
  
“Hey, hey, don’t say goddamn on Pesach,” David admonished. “Yeah, for fuck’s sake…” Jim said and Ben patted his brother on the back. “Good one, James.”  
  
“You just think it’s difficult to put him to bed because you rarely do it,” Alex said under his breath to Ben.  
  
Jim leaned in to Pam. “Okay, this is when it gets ugly. Follow my lead.” To everyone else, he said, “Excuse me. The food is settling heavy.”  
  
His mother frowned. “Spare us the digestion commentary.”  
  
He squeezed Pam’s hand before heading upstairs. Nervously, she smiled at Larissa. “Is there another bathroom I can use? I need to add some solutions to my contacts.”  
  
“Sure. There’s one in the basement,” Damn, “and there’s one in our bedroom upstairs. Jim’s probably in the other one.”  
  
“Great! Thanks,” she said, heading upstairs. Over her shoulder, she said, “The macaroons were great!” As she left, she heard Tate tease that the macaroons were a little dry this year. She smiled, climbing the stairs.  
  
+  
  
She rapped gently on the bathroom door and it quickly opened. “Oh, is someone in here?” she asked as he scooped her up in his arms. She laughed against his lips as he shut the door and pinned her against it.  
  
“Be quiet, will you? We’re in a house full of people and we don’t have a lot of time.” One hand snaked up her skirt and across the front of her underwear. She shuddered, whispering “Jim” as he pushed one finger inside of her. “God,” she said, her head lolling to the side. He crooked his finger inside of her, back and forth, and her eyes rolled back into her head. “Is that okay?” He asked quietly.  
  
She put one hand to his face, the hand that wasn’t gripping his hip. “Are we ready,” she started to ask when he sank to his knees in front of her. He lifted her skirt and yanked her underwear down. Pam braced herself against the wall as he started to lick up and down her inner thighs, and she let out a loud anticipatory moan.  
  
He looked up. “Yeah?” He asked, his voice cocky. She shook her head, “Sorry.” He skipped the foreplay and pretenses and put his lips to her clit to suck. She inhaled sharply at the contact and her fingers tangled in his hair. He moaned against her clit and it reverberated through her body, making her shudder. With one hand, he pinned her against the wall to keep her steady and still. Her brain was on overload and had ceased functioning.  
  
In one way this was a horrible idea, anyone could walk in, everyone had already heard them – probably. Bt, in another way, it was incredibly fucking hot.  
  
Jim kept up his lips and tongue while fingering her and her brain broke. Her skin began to feel white hot, and she felt light, dizzy, ethereal, until she was coming, coming, stifling her moans with one hand over her mouth. Jim quickly rose off his knees, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and revealing a salacious grin.  
  
“Hiya,” he said and she crushed her lips to his. She removed his belt, unbuttoned his jeans, unzipped and pulled at the waistband of his boxers. “Off,” she demanded. His left eyebrow quirked and he complied, drawing his boxers down and stepping out of his pants. He was already semi-hard, and set on making him completely hard, she wrapped her fingers around him.  
  
“Against the wall, huh?” He asked, gasping. She nodded, putting one of his hands on her ass. He shook his head. “After a full sedar, I’m supposed to be able to do that?” She nodded again, her hand speeding up and his head dropping back. “Okay, okay, don’t kill me.”  
  
He lifted her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Love you,” she mumbled, their foreheads touching. He entered her and her eyes went slack, as did her body. As he pushed into her, over and over, she started to feel a dull ache in her back, but she ignored it, in agony with the pleasure. Jim had a habit of mumbling nonsense when he was close – _love Pam fuck fuck oh god shit_ – and hearing him unhinged only made her more aroused. She snaked one hand to her clit and stroked the skin there vigorously, a string of her own nonsense words coming from her mouth. Jim came, “Pam” on his lips.  
  
His head fell against her shoulder, his upper body shaking. “Were we loud?” He asked. “Probably,” she said against his ear. He pulled out of her, an ache left when he went. She shuddered as he put her down and she threw her arms around him, holding him close. “That was something, Halpert.”  
  
He kissed the corner of her mouth and she smiled. “I think our absence will be obvious,” he murmured against her skin.  
  
She brushed the hair off his forehead. “You look sleepy. Is this going to be a night where you crash in bed, totally drained and exhausted and I stay up, unfulfilled?”  
  
“Wait, was that someone else that I gave an orgasm too before? Or – no – that was you, I think,” he said, pulling his pants up and straightening up as she watched. “Maybe, but I was ready for another time,” she said coyly. She looked in the mirror. “We definitely look like we had sex.”  
  
“Because we definitely did.”  
  
She looked in the mirror and he came up behind her, arms wrapping around her middle. He looked at her and she looked at him, and she felt settled, and full. It was a new feeling, but she was getting used to it.  



	2. Is it too late for a talk about the birds and the bees?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I had promised a second chapter to NanReg – what – sometime in the middle ages? It is now complete. Also, I want to say that you, NanReg, are fabulous. Thank you for reading/reviewing my fic even when you wish I’d just write Pam and Jim snuggling in bed stories all the time :)

Tate helped her mom stack the dessert plates. “He showed me the ring,” she whispered. “Ugly!” She proclaimed and Larissa shrugged.

“Who cares?”

“Us. Women. We’re supposed to have jewelry interest in our genetic make up.”

Larissa waved her hand. “Honey, it skipped me. Help me fold the laundry.” The two women breezed past everyone else, comatose in front of the TV. Larissa kissed the top of her husband’s head as he went. “He’s starting to form a little bald spot, but it’s not that cute,” she whispered to her daughter.

As they went up the stairs, faint noises hit them and Tate cocked her head. “What’s that? Heating problem?”

“Oh, you know, this house is so old, it’s hard—” Stopped dead in her tracks outside the laundry room, across from the bathroom, her eyes widened and she dropped the linens, fleeing to her bedroom, Tate hot on her heels. Larissa slumped against the door.

“Ew.”

“Tate Tovah Halpert.”

Tate flung herself onto her parents’ bed. “Mom. Just… Paul and I have never done that, okay? Been tempted, maybe there was some making out in the garage, huh, maybe more. But not – that.”

Larissa put her hand up. “Fine.” Then, “Is it too late for a talk about the birds and the bees? I’m afraid I never got around to it.”

Tate snickered as a pound on the door sounded against Larissa’s back. She opened the door, finding Ben’s horrified face.

“Ugh, hetero!” He yelled quietly, shutting the door. The three of them settled on to the bed. “Frankly, I didn’t see that coming,” Ben said.

Tate shrugged. “Come on, you know they have sex on every solid surface. They spent years not doing it, I’m sure they can’t control themselves now.”

“Ew,” was all Ben could manage.

Larissa sighed. “I raised you guys to be healthy sexual beings, but you know, not this healthy.”

Ben crossed his arms. “I think you should stop them, Mom, my son is sleeping next door, and to review: Ew.”

She shrugged. “Well, I think being interrupted by your mother would cause lasting problems, and I do want more grandkids. Ben, how would you feel about a long lecture later? Optional for Pam.” Punctuating her sentence was the sound of muffled profanity laced with a moan, and Larissa winced. “I’m too old for this shit.”

The three sat frozen, hands over their ears to try and block out an unfortunate event, until the bathroom door opened audibly. “Uh, Jim?” Larissa called out and the sounds of steps fell silent. “Jim?” She called again. The steps started again ever so quietly. “James.”

Finally, they heard footsteps towards the door and Jim opened it, peeking his head in. “Oh, hey, you guys are up here?” Another set of legs could be seen, but not the rest of Pam, as she took advantage of Jim’s height to hide. Jim was trying not to smile, his hand over his mouth, in what he probably assumed was a casual way.

“So what’s new?” Tate asked. “Where’s Pam?”

Jim swung the door open wider and Pam waved. “Right here. She’s tired, I think we’re going to head home.”

Ben nodded. “You two look exhausted.”

Jim looked to the floor, grinning. “Yup. So, see you guys later, Mom, dinner was great.” He started to approach the bed but changed his mind. “You know, I’d hug you guys but I, uh, I think I’m getting a cold.”

“Me too,” Pam said quickly. She waved enthusiastically at everyone. “Thanks so much for dinner, Larissa, and it was great to see all of you. Happy Pesach,” she offered awkwardly.

Jim continued to grin “Bye, love you guys.”

He took Pam’s hand and they quickly rushed out of the room. 

They had barely left when Ben noted, “There was no lecture.”

Larissa shrugged. “It was a joke, Ben.” She heard them walk downstairs, laughing quietly, and the most sentimental parts of her swelled, amidst the grossed out parts that were also enflamed. “Let’s watch a movie, get our minds out of the gutter.” Jim was happy, something she wasn’t sure she’d ever see again, so he got a free pass this time. But next time – next time he’d be in deep shit.

/end.


End file.
